1 year denial

I still can't believe David is a YEAR OLD!  Where was I? Standing by him the whole time wishing he would stay little forever.  Forever my little baby.

He is REALLY on the move these days.  I'm going to have to find him some better shoes for him to walk in.  Specially since it will be getting colder here soon.  He'll need something good to keep his footies warm. :)

Here are a couple photos from his party:

His wonderful cake and cupcakes by his Auntie Kara. :)

Journal to wish David a happy birthday blessing that he can read when he's older.

Nom Nom Nom

Green monster Baby :)

Our gift to him for his first birthday was a photoshoot by a wonderful photographer in MN.

I only have some sample photos for now, I have to wait for a couple more weeks before I see the rest.

Love love love!!! <3

Happiness along side heartache...

I will update soon about David's 1st Birthday party, but for now I wanted to share todays news.

Yesterday I found out a friend that had been battling lymphoma and winning, took a turn for the worse... I emailed his partner, who is also a friend, and he responded this morning telling me they had brought him home on hospice care on Sat. and that he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be around... thinking about a week.

While I was waiting for more news, I received happy news.  My brother txted me the ultrasound of their baby and had me guess what the sex was... and I guessed right!  They're having a girl!  Another beautiful little girl.  I'm so excited.  Though I was wrong when I guessed a boy.  :)

Right after that happy message, I received the message that broke my heart.  He passed away this morning sometime after my email chat with his partner/my friend...

My heart bleeds for them...

He was so very loved and he will be strongly missed... <3
Rest well my friend.

"When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. When you die, you rejoice, and the world cries."

– Tibetan Buddhist saying

.Sweet.

A day before David's big 1st birthday bash, I got the art itch and actually got a entry done for the facebook graffiti contest.  This contest is about emotions, telling a story.  I chose to do Sweet... at least for my first one.  I worked so long on it... 6 hours I think?  I should of been cleaning, but I just felt I had to finish it or my heart would burst and I would fall to pieces.  Maybe its my coping skill for David turning one?

Any way, we have everything all set up for the party... we have a little more cleaning to do in the morning.  My sister in law made cupcakes and David's birthday cake... I have yet to see them, Jeff is on his way home with them right now... needless to say, I'm SUPER excited to see them.  She wouldn't even give me a peak... so I'm curious. ;)

More people then I thought are coming... which melts my heart knowing they care for my little man ... makes me want to dance around the house singing. :)

OOOO Jeff is home... gotta go. Love!

Precious Family Moments

Daddy time.

Auntie Kara and Uncle Dan

David and Grandma Liz

David and Grandpa Steve

Big D and Little D

Cousin Varrah and David

Cousin Josie at her 1st birthday and David

And of course, I have none of myself with David... and I'm missing ones with Auntie Erika and David.  Erika... we need to get more pictures of you with him. ;)

Getting close...

David's first birthday is fast approaching.  We're celebrating four days early with friends and family, then we'll be having a family day, just the three of us on his actual birthday.

Even talking about it puts a knot in my stomach.

I'm not ready for this but there's no way to stop it.  He's going to turn one whether I like it or not.  I think I'm grieving his infancy.  The last year has meant so much to me, and I know I'm going to enjoy the next year too, but there's just something about this first year of being a mom... having my little man... so tiny in my arms... I'm so going to miss these moments.

I think the grieving is making me crazy and wanting another baby now... I need to hold myself back from this because I don't think I could handle a newborn and a toddler at the same time.  But if it were to happen I would take the challenge.  Though I doubt it would happen.  Jeffry has made it clear that he doesn't want another one for a little while.  So I will just baby my new little niece or nephew that is on the way, due in January.  That should help I think.

How have you mom's out there dealt with the change from infant to toddler?  Cause it is breaking my heart right now and I can't seem to really  make myself feel better.